if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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