mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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