so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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