i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
