i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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