Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
