I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
