Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
