We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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