Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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