Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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