Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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