Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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