After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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