Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize