Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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