I wish I only lived at night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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