I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
