If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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