i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
