yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
