My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
