So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
we're so committed to being not committed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
