I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
