Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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