Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
