thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
