I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
