i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
