And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
