JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
