Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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