All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
