3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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