I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
