Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
