she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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