She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
