Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im holly from the hills drunk
Actions speak louder than pants.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
