Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
