I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
