My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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