I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
