Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
