My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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