so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
