so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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