Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We need to get me chipped asap
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
