i think i have two assholes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
