my sisters under your porch take her home
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
